Boys Will Be Boys
by SanestInsanest
Summary: "Hey, who do you think has the nicest breasts in Konoha?"


_Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto or any of the characters._

 _Reuploaded with different summary and minor grammar changes~_

* * *

It was well into the evening in Konoha and five men could be seen at the counter of Ichiraku. Two of them sat on one side of a corner and the other three sat on the other side, contently slurping on their ramen. Well, some were. Three were shoveling it into their mouths, splashing their fellow companions with various different flavored broths.

"Jesus, will you guys calm down a bit?" Shikamaru grumbled, wiping miso broth off of his cheek with a napkin. "No need to be so excited, I swear we were just here yesterday." Indeed they were here just yesterday but after a day of hard training, Naruto was the only one who had enough energy to drag all the others to Ichiraku. It didn't hurt that Ichiraku served alcohol too. After a tiring day like today, it was nice to just relax, eat, and drink, evidenced by the three bottles of sake they had already emptied during their meal.

"We're not excited we're just hungry!" Naruto yelled at him through a mouthful of noodles. Shikamaru, unfortunately, caught a bit of noodle with his face and grimaced, reaching for the napkin he had just put down.

"Troublesome…"

"He's right, you know," Neji muttered, lightly dabbing the corner of his mouth with his napkin, "If you three keep eating like such animals, you'll probably end up with stomachaches."

"Hey who are you calling an animal?" Kiba looked up from his bowl of ramen and glared at Neji, punctuating his question with a slurp.

"Yeah jerkface!" Naruto squinted his eyes angrily and pointed his chopsticks at Neji who was now calmly sipping his sake.

Chouji just shrugged and continued eating his ramen, now on his third bowl.

"Aaaaahhh will you guys quit it, no need to get in a fight at a ramen stand," Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck, stifling a yawn. All the alcohol was making him sleepy. "Neji, stop provoking them. Kiba, Naruto, just finish your food."

The two loud ones just grumbled before plopping back down on the seats. The five fell into silence as they finished up their meal. The silence didn't last long though before someone broke it.

"Hey, who do you think has the nicest tits in Konoha?"

On cue, four of them choked on their ramen.

"W-what?" Shikamaru spluttered, hurriedly wiping broth from his mouth after he accidently spewed some out hearing Naruto's question. Kiba and Chouji were reaching for their drinks, unable to stop their fit of coughing. Neji sat, back ramrod straight, eyebrow twitching.

"Whaaat, it's a fair question right? I'm sure you guys have thought of this?"

"No, unfortunately. Unlike you, some of us like to ponder different, more stimulating, topics," Neji muttered into his cup of tea, eyebrow still twitching. Shikamaru couldn't blame the guy, it took him years to warm up to them and this is what he got.

"Oh come onn," Naruto grinned audaciously. "What could be more _stimulating_ then a nice pair of big, round, heaving ti-

Shikamaru quickly darted forward and clapped a hand over Naruto's mouth before he could witness a real atrocity occur at Ichiraku's. That seemed to placate Neji, however, as he lowered himself back onto his seat, crossing his arms.

"You know, that is a good question," Kiba thoughtfully tapped his chopsticks against his lips, having calmed down his coughing fit. "We have a lot of girls in Konoha and, well, that's a lot of boobs."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and watched Chouji's face as he seemed to internally debate on whether or not he really wanted to join in on this particular conversation.

Joining won.

"Wait, if we're talking about nicest, isn't that obvious? Wouldn't it be Tsunade's? She does have the biggest, right?"

"Oh my dear Chouji, you have much more to learn if you think bigger means better," Naruto slung an arm over Chouji who was sitting right next to him. "I mean, yeah Tsunade does have the biggest pair but that doesn't necessarily mean they're the best."

Kiba drained his cup of water with a loud gulp and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Whaddaya mean they're not the best? Guys love big tits!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, big is nice but idk, there's other factors to a pair of boobs being nice yanno? Perkiness, bounciness, if they could fit in your palm or not? General shape, how they feel…."

Naruto continued listening things as Kiba and Chouji listened attentively. Meanwhile, Shikamaru sat there with his head propped up with his hand, in slight disbelief that this conversation was even occurring.

"-therefore, taking into consideration all of the factors that I've listed, I've determined that Kurenai as the nicest tits!"

Shikamaru almost fell out of his chair with how fast he sat upright and Kiba sprayed water all over Chouji who just stared at Naruto, gaping.

"Naruto! That's my sensei!" Kiba howled at him

"Whaat! I'm just saying that's my opinion!"

Shikamaru groaned and rubbed his temples. "God Naruto you can't just say that about Kurenai. It's just not…..right.." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, knowing that Naruto just complimented the breasts of the woman dating his sensei.

"Hey it's not like I'm attracted to her or anything, this is purely scientific. Hers are a perfect balance of size, perkiness and everything else, plus that outfit is pretty hot. Although I wish she'd ditch the mesh undershirt sometimes…."

"Naruto!"

He merely shrugged, "I guess it is kinda weird considering how old she is…."

"Naruto!"

"Sorry sorry….."

The group lapsed into silence.

"Tenten's are nice."

Chouji, Shikamaru, Naruto and Kiba turned to stare at Neji who suddenly seemed a little red.

"Oh wwoooowwww guess you would know from experience heh" Naruto chuckled mischievously, clapping a hand on Neji's back, who looked like he regretted saying anything.

"Shut up."

Naruto ignored him and cheerfully flagged down Ayame, "Another bottle of sake!"

"Oy maybe you shouldn't drink more.." Shikamaru protested weakly. He didn't want to see where this conversation would turn with more alcohol if they were already talking about this stuff.

"Aaahh live a little Shikamaru! We've had a long day, we trained hard. Let's just relax and enjoy ourselves," Naruto laughed, sloppily filling Shikamaru's cup.

Shikamaru just sighed and resigned himself to drinking.

"You know what, I think Hinata has the nicest rack," Kiba said as Naruto filled up his cup. He immediately flinched, however, as Neji turned his death glare to him. "Hey now! Hey now, I'm just saying too. Kurenai has nice ones….I guess, although that's weird for me to say, she's my sensei."

Naruto let out a loud laugh. "Hah! As if she wasn't your first crush or anything."

Kiba immediately clocked him over the head, looking red and flustered. "H-hey it was a long time ago okay!"

The other four laughed at his expense, Shikamaru letting a chuckle escape him while Chouji and Naruto laughed raucously. Neji merely smirked.

"A-anyways, as I was saying," Kiba huffed, "Hinata's are perfect. I mean, have you guys seen her?" He made his hands cup the air in front of his quite flat chest. "They're fucking huge! But not too big, they're the perfect size."

Shikamaru quietly restrained Neji.

"Eehh to be honest, I never noticed. Probably because she of the clothes she wears. Nothing draws my eye yanno? Her coat is kinda bulky and covers everything."

"Yeah, I guess" mumbled Kiba, "She is always wearing that coat of hers. I wonder if she'll ever take it off…."

Finally, Shikamaru, heaving a sigh, decided to join in. "You guys are all wrong," He deadpanned. "Ino has the nicest pair in Konoha."

The other four stared at him blankly before slowly taking what he said into consideration.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, "Look, you said Tsunade's were too big right? Well Ino's are a good size, perky, probably would fit in your hand really well right? Plus she's our age too, not someone's sensei like Kurenai. And seeing as how you never noticed Hinata's because of her outfit, Ino's outfit must be perfect. Her halter top accentuates her chest and doesn't hide it like outerwear. Therefore, Ino has the best tits in Konoha." Shikamaru finished his speech with a small amount of accomplishment, looking at the others to gauge their reaction. Kiba and Naruto looked like they were really contemplating what he said. Meanwhile, Neji and Chouji just looked uncomfortable.

"Jeez Shikamaru…you seem to have put a lot of thought into this…."Naruto squinted at him suspiciously.

"Yeah….oy you sure you're not dating her?" Kiba prodded Shikamaru with a chopstick.

Shikamaru groaned, "Yes, I'm sure. Dating is too troublesome."

Kiba snorted, "Yeah that sounds like you."

Naruto wouldn't let up the stare though. "Are you sure you don't even….like her?"

Shikamaru scoffed, "As if. She's loud and bossy and although her tits are amazing, no, I don't like her." He stood up from his chair a little shakily, feeling the alcohol settle into his body, and threw some cash on the table. "There, that should be enough for my portion. It's about time for me to head out. I'm tired and I wanna sleep."

He pushed the curtain aside with one hand and waved at his friends with the other.

"See ya, don't come running to me to carry you guys home."

Shikamaru left, leaving the four to sit there and think about the conversation they just had.

"Konoha's nicest tits huh…."

Later that night…..

Rough, calloused hands slid up her naked body in worship as she let out a breathy moan, arching beautifully against the man between her legs. The hands skimmed her curves and gave her bottom a hard squeeze to her delight. She wrapped a leg around her partners narrow waist, tugging him closer, and she was rewarded a light nip on the neck. The man above her rumbled against her neck appreciatively, tracing his tongue against her creamy skin before latching onto her pulse and sucking. She let out another noise of appreciation.

Suddenly, he pulled away, leaning back onto his knees, head cocked at an angle.

"Shikamaru?" Ino whispered, looking up at him in confusion.

It didn't seem like he heard her though, because his eyes were furrowed in contemplation, mouth set in a hard line. She followed his gaze and realized that although he was looking at her, he wasn't looking at her face. He was looking a little…south…

"Uh…Shikamaru?" Ino questioned again.

That seemed to snap him out of it though as the shadow user gave his head a quick shake. His eyes caught Ino's and his face fell into an easy smirk.

"Heh, I was right." He mumbled before descending on the delicious girl beneath him.

"Wha? What are you talking about?"

"Don't worry about it," he said before capturing her lips with his, silencing any further questions, as his hands crept up to fondle her hefty chest.

He was always right.

* * *

 _I've never really written for this fandom before but I always loved this pairing and I said why not? 5 years...after I had stopped writing..._

 _But I have been reading fanfiction a lot lately, mostly to procrastinate, so I guess that's why I was so inspired I cranked this out in an hour._

 _Welp, sorry for any grammatical errors._


End file.
